Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again
by danrdarrenc
Summary: Chris visits his mother's grave when he has trouble letting go of her memory. Oneshot, songfic based on "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" from the show "Phantom of the Opera".


It was a warm spring day in San Francisco and a young man of twenty-three sat in the living room of a pink manor that had been around for centuries. The man had an old photo album propped on his knees, and stared at certain pictures for a few more seconds than the others. The pictures in the album were of generations of the Halliwell family, but Chris lingered on the pictures of Piper the longest. He flipped to the last page of the album, skipping over pictures of a father that had never been around. On this last page sat a single photo of Piper and Chris, taken the day before Chris's fourteenth birthday, the last time he and his mother went out together. As Chris closed the photo album, a tear drop fell onto his hand, a result of the memory of when that picture was taken. _He and Piper had gone to the carnival to see his Aunt Paige sing at a concert. She had sung brilliantly, but couldn't stay and walk around with them for she had had an anniversary dinner with Kyle. His other aunt, Phoebe, was in Hong Kong visiting Jason Dean, her husband. Chris and Piper had walked around the carnival for a few hours before deciding to go home; before they left they went into one of the photo booths and had their picture taken. _ That was the last picture he took with his mother – ever.

Wiping away the tear that had escaped from his eye, Chris put down the family photo album and stood up. He paced the room musing over all that had happened over the last twenty years of his life. _He had come into the world just as his older brother was turned evil and his father was made an Elder. All he had had in the world was his mother and aunts who were always orbing all over the world to their husbands. Paige had been preoccupied with Magic School and Phoebe was always in Hong Kong. Piper was Chris's only friend throughout most of his life. As he grew up he took for granted his mother's presence and never truly appreciated the fact that she had given up everything for him. And then he had turned fourteen. That was the day everything had changed for him._ _On the morning of his birthday his aunts had orbed home from wherever they had been to warn he and Piper of an attack that Phoebe had foreseen. The four of them were in the attic when there was a noise on the floor below. Before even Paige could orb to see what had happened Wyatt showed up in the attic. Without a thought Wyatt had thrown an energy ball at his aunts and killed them. Chris had tried to orb his mother out of the attic to save her, but Wyatt was too quick for him. In a heart beat their mother was dead, Wyatt was gone, and Chris was alone in the world. _Ever since that day Chris wondered what Piper, Phoebe, and Paige had done to Wyatt to warrant him killing them in cold-blood without a second thought or remorse. Till this day he still did not have that answer and knew that he probably never would.

While Chris was pacing and contemplating his mother's and aunts' deaths, his fiancée Bianca walked into the room.

"Happy Birthday, Chris."

"Maybe in another lifetime," Chris answered.

"Don't say that, Chris. I'm here for you even if your mother isn't," Bianca said.

"I'm sorry, Bianca. I know that you are. It's just really hard to let go of her. Especially when I don't know why Wyatt killed her. His own mother. It's just really frustrating because I know that she wouldn't want me to live my life holding on to an empty dream and the past. I just can't say goodbye," Chris said, eventually sitting down.

"Why don't you go try," Bianca said.

Chris looked up, clearly knowing what she meant.

"I can't, Bianca."

"You can if you try. Go. We'll go out for lunch or dinner, depending on when you get home. You need to do this, Chris. It's the only way you can live your life without beating yourself up. You know deep inside that it wasn't your fault. Now you need to let go of your mother. It's the only way to be free," Bianca said. She kissed Chris and walked out of the room and up the stairs, leaving Chris alone to decide whether he would take her advice or not.

After sitting on the couch for a few minutes, Chris stood up, took his coat off the coat rack, and orbed out of the house. Chris reappeared in a graveyard a few seconds later. He stood at the edge of the cemetery, still not sure if this was the right thing to do. He hadn't been to see his mother's grave since her funeral and was not sure if he could handle it. Deciding that Bianca was right, Chris slowly entered the burial ground. As he walked toward his mother's tomb, Chris began to talk to Piper as if she could hear him. The words he said were as sad and solemn as the place in which he walked. They spoke of sorrow and pain; of lost dreams; of a haunting past. The words related everything that Chris had felt in the last nine years but had never said out of fear that saying all that he had felt would make his mother's death final and concrete.

_You were once my one companion. _

_You were all that mattered_

_You were once a friend and mother _

_Then my world was shattered_

_Wishing you were somehow here again, _

_Wishing you were somehow near_

_Sometimes it seemed, if I just dreamed, _

_Somehow you would be here_

_Wishing I could hear your voice again, _

_Knowing that I never would_

_Dreaming of you won't help me to do _

_All that you dreamed I could_

_Passing bells and sculpted angels, _

_Cold and monumental_

_Seem, for you, the wrong companions, _

_You were warm and gentle_

_Too many years fighting back tears_

_Why can't the past just die?_

_Wishing you were somehow here again, _

_Knowing we must say goodbye_

_Try to forgive, teach me to live, _

_Give me the strength to try_

_No more memories, _

_No more silent tears_

_No more gazing across the wasted years_

_Help me say goodbye._

_Help me say goodbye!_

As Chris pled for help to say goodbye, he arrived at his mother's headstone. Staring at the cold stone that enveloped someone who was warm and gentle, another tear slid down Chris's face.

"Please help me say goodbye, Mom," Chris said to the marble, not really expecting his nine-year dead mother to respond.

"I'll try," said a voice from behind Chris. Chris spun around at the sound of his mother's voice.

"Mom?"

"Hi, sweetie," Piper said.

"How are you here? I didn't summon you," Chris said, baffled.

"The Elders sent me to help ease your pain. They put all of us through enough and finally took pity on the Halliwell family," Piper said, matter-of-factly, walking over to her son.

"Why have you tried to hold onto me and lost memories for so long, Chris?"

"Because you were my only friend and I love you. I miss you so much, Mom," Chris said, hugging his mother who was no longer transparent, but corporeal.

"Chris, sweetie, you can't live in the past forever. And you can't change it. The past is the past and you can't reverse what happened. Your brother killed me."

"Why?" Chris said, tears forming in his eyes.

"Because I tried to save him. He didn't want to be saved. He wanted to be free from consequence and he felt that I and my sisters were restricting him from doing that," Piper said, taking her youngest son's hand and starting to walk.

"I still don't understand how he could kill you. His own mother. It just doesn't make sense."

"To you it may not, but to Wyatt it does."

"I'm sorry, Mom," Chris said, suddenly stopping.

"For what?"

"Not stopping Wyatt."

"Is that why you haven't been able to move on, Chris? You blame yourself for what your brother did?" Piper asked. Chris didn't respond.

"Chris, it is not your fault. You tried to orb me out, but Wyatt was too quick for you. Even if you were paralyzed by fear and had not tried to save me, I would still love you." Chris looked at his mother when she said those words, tears streaming down his face. Piper saw in her son's eyes that he had thought for all those years that she had hated him for not saving her.

"Chris, you are my baby, and I love you. I always will. You know that. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't blame yourself for what happened to me or your aunts. You were fourteen. I have watched you these last nine years and am so proud of you. You handled my death with more courage and grace than me, Prue, or Phoebe handled your grandmother's. You have grown into a young man I never could have imagined you would be. You have done so much with your life. I am so proud you." Piper took Chris's hand in hers and gave it a squeeze the way she used to when he was little and he was scared. Chris hugged his mother as if he never wanted to let her go. He kissed Piper on the cheek, realizing that she couldn't stay forever no matter how badly he wanted her to.

"I love you, Mom," Chris said, as Piper began to turn transparent.

"I love you, too, Chris. Happy Birthday." And Piper vanished.

As, Chris wiped away the tears from his face, he walked back to his mother's grave. He stood in front of it for a few more minutes. As he orbed back to the Halliwell Manor in which he had grown up, Chris had an expression on his face that said he had been healed and that all he had ever really needed over the last nine years was to hear his mother say that she loved him.


End file.
